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Showing posts from October, 2019

The last year...

On my birthday this year, I started writing a letter to God. It's been one year since I launched this blog, and my life has been in turmoil. Still, there are moments of joy. But also deep pain and confusion. 
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Dear God, 
What should I do? How can I become better? How can my writing let me be true to you?
I was going to write, "How can my writing let me be true to myself?" But being true to myself might not be what I need.
Being true to you is far deeper.
Should I move back to Providence? Should I get that little apartment in the Arcade and rebuild? Or be in New York? Elsewhere?
Can I break away from my past selfishness and give myself to love fully?
Can I do something different with my life now?
Can I give more to the world? Will it be through writing or through something else?
I don’t know.
What should I do?
Right now isn’t working. Right now is broken. I’m obsessing. About my workouts, my clothes, how I look, my food intake, my friends, my parents.
I’m not obsessing enough about …